Table 11
Tonight was "Open-Mike Night". Which means people come in, hang out in the back room, sing and get drunk. It's a pretty good time. The whole point of my mentioning that is, the open-mic people were singing Secret Agent Man. Which is wonderfully fun song to sing. And I was singing it as I brought Table 11 their drinks.
I stopped singing, put their drinks down and was just opening my mouth to ask if they were ready to order when the girl said to me, "Whenever you're done singing I'd like a chocolate milkshake."
I really wanted to spit in her shake. Bitch.
Saturday
Table 44
When I asked them what they wanted to drink, she replied, "Vater, vith ice. Lemon on ze side. Not. On ze rim. On. Ze. Side." Okay...
When I came back, I asked if they were ready to order and she said, "First I have question. You have turkey burger?" I replied, "No, but we do have a black-bean patty that you can substitute at no extra charge." "So, all you have iz meat?" "No, like I said, while we don't have a turkey burger, but we do have the vegetarian black-bean patty." " ' like you said' Tha'z not vat I asked. Get for me, the pork sandvich. He'll have chicken club. And two salads, a light dressing. On. The. Zide."
I bring the salads, with dressing on the side to the table and she says, "Vy, ven you are not busy does it take almost three minutes for just a salad? I'm practically starved."
When I bring out their food, she laughed. Literally, laughed. "Oh, such plate presentation. Colorado iz so quaint."
It took all of my strength not to hit that bitch. Maybe I was over-sensitive or something, but she really pissed me off.
When I asked them what they wanted to drink, she replied, "Vater, vith ice. Lemon on ze side. Not. On ze rim. On. Ze. Side." Okay...
When I came back, I asked if they were ready to order and she said, "First I have question. You have turkey burger?" I replied, "No, but we do have a black-bean patty that you can substitute at no extra charge." "So, all you have iz meat?" "No, like I said, while we don't have a turkey burger, but we do have the vegetarian black-bean patty." " ' like you said' Tha'z not vat I asked. Get for me, the pork sandvich. He'll have chicken club. And two salads, a light dressing. On. The. Zide."
I bring the salads, with dressing on the side to the table and she says, "Vy, ven you are not busy does it take almost three minutes for just a salad? I'm practically starved."
When I bring out their food, she laughed. Literally, laughed. "Oh, such plate presentation. Colorado iz so quaint."
It took all of my strength not to hit that bitch. Maybe I was over-sensitive or something, but she really pissed me off.
Friday
I must have been very annoying in a past life...because I have the most annoying customers ever.
Table 41.
Two guys are eating, drinking iced tea and water...I'm kinda busy, so I'm not right there when they needed refills. I'm taking out food (Table 41 is by the window kinda) and the guys see me, with my hands full, and decide that's just the right time to YELL (though I'm about seven feet away) "EXCUSE ME, MISS?! MISS?!" *starts waving hands* "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" "GET ME MORE TEA!" I hold the food up in his direction, "In a minute, I'll be right back." I drop off the food, pick up an iced tea pitcher and go over to Table 41. Yelling Guy says, "I was waving my hands trying to get your attention for ten minutes. I even whistled." I'd heard him whistle, and ignored it because I'm a waitress, not his fucking dog. "I'm sorry sir, I must have missed it while I was helping other customers. And just for future reference, when I'm standing right there, a simple 'excuse me' will work as well as shouting to get my attention." I started to walk away and his friend stops me by saying, "Stop." I turn and ask what I can do for him. In response, he holds up his water glass. I ask again, "Is there something I can do for you sir?" And he says nothing. Instead, he shakes his empty water glass. "Would you like some more water?" I finally ask. "Yeah." I wanted to tell him "When grown-ups want something they ask for it, they don't just point."...but I controlled myself for once.
Next...
Table 21
A young couple...very Abercrombie & Fitch, very cutesy, sit down and seem so nice. Then she asks for a new soda because the one I brought her is "too cold". I get her one with less ice. Then she wants a small cup with ice, because she likes a lot of ice in her soda. Yeah. Whatever. They both do the low-carb thing (no bread, cottage cheese instead of a potato) and then when I bring their food, he asks for a side of fries. When I bring those out she asks for a new soda because hers is "all watered down from all the ice". When I bring the soda, she asks if I could put her cottage cheese in a freezer until she's done with her burger because she likes her cottage cheese, "frosty cold". The beer cooler is close by, so I actually do it. Then she asks for new lettuce because hers is "all hot and yucky"...the hot tomato is okay though.
She was seriously obsessed with temperature. It was weird.
There were two more annoying tables I was going to share, but it seems I've worn myself out, yet again.
Until next time.
Table 41.
Two guys are eating, drinking iced tea and water...I'm kinda busy, so I'm not right there when they needed refills. I'm taking out food (Table 41 is by the window kinda) and the guys see me, with my hands full, and decide that's just the right time to YELL (though I'm about seven feet away) "EXCUSE ME, MISS?! MISS?!" *starts waving hands* "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" "GET ME MORE TEA!" I hold the food up in his direction, "In a minute, I'll be right back." I drop off the food, pick up an iced tea pitcher and go over to Table 41. Yelling Guy says, "I was waving my hands trying to get your attention for ten minutes. I even whistled." I'd heard him whistle, and ignored it because I'm a waitress, not his fucking dog. "I'm sorry sir, I must have missed it while I was helping other customers. And just for future reference, when I'm standing right there, a simple 'excuse me' will work as well as shouting to get my attention." I started to walk away and his friend stops me by saying, "Stop." I turn and ask what I can do for him. In response, he holds up his water glass. I ask again, "Is there something I can do for you sir?" And he says nothing. Instead, he shakes his empty water glass. "Would you like some more water?" I finally ask. "Yeah." I wanted to tell him "When grown-ups want something they ask for it, they don't just point."...but I controlled myself for once.
Next...
Table 21
A young couple...very Abercrombie & Fitch, very cutesy, sit down and seem so nice. Then she asks for a new soda because the one I brought her is "too cold". I get her one with less ice. Then she wants a small cup with ice, because she likes a lot of ice in her soda. Yeah. Whatever. They both do the low-carb thing (no bread, cottage cheese instead of a potato) and then when I bring their food, he asks for a side of fries. When I bring those out she asks for a new soda because hers is "all watered down from all the ice". When I bring the soda, she asks if I could put her cottage cheese in a freezer until she's done with her burger because she likes her cottage cheese, "frosty cold". The beer cooler is close by, so I actually do it. Then she asks for new lettuce because hers is "all hot and yucky"...the hot tomato is okay though.
She was seriously obsessed with temperature. It was weird.
There were two more annoying tables I was going to share, but it seems I've worn myself out, yet again.
Until next time.
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