But I don't really have a new story, so here are some bits and pieces from some old ones...
Table 1
NachoMan: Do you put lots of cheese on your nachos?
Moi: Yeah, we put quite a bit. But it's melted cheese, not cheese sauce.
NachoMan: That's cool. I want some nach-os.
I bring out said Nachos.
NachoMan: Damn, that's a lot of cheese.
Moi: Cool
*a few minutes pass*
Moi: How is everything tasting?
NachoMan: This shit is terrible. It's just melted cheese, not nacho cheese. And there's chili on here. I can't eat this shit. It's shit. It tastes like cheesy shit, with shitty chili on it and soggy ass tortilla chips underneath it.
Moi: Alright. Want to do something else instead?
NachoMan: Nah, that'll probably just taste like shit too...Don't take them away. Bring me a box. My wife will like probaly like this. Tastes like some shit she'd make.
Table 9
MilkshakeGuy: You still make milkshakes in the tin here?
Me: We sure do.
MilkshakeGuy: They're not on the menu.
Me: They're on the dessert menu over there...the flavors are listed on the big milkshake picture in the middle on the yellow side.
MilkshakeGuy looks at blue side, points to the Martini picture and says: These are all alcoholic drinks. Don't you got milkshakes? You know, ice cream and milk in the tin. Milkshakes?
Me: Yes, sir on the other side there's a list. We have vanilla, chocolate, banana...
MilkshakeGuy: You don't got prices on here? Where are the prices? You change the prices so often you can't afford to print new drink menus everytime you change them up so you just leave them without prices? Or you just try to cheat your customers so you can charge them whatever you want?
Me: No, our prices stay the same no matter who orders. One flavor is $4 and each additional flavor is $ .50 extra.
MilkshakeGuy: I want a chocolate milkshake made with vanilla ice cream. Lumpy, so you can tell it's vanilla ice cream. If it's not lumpy, that ruins it. You can't taste the difference in the chocolate and vanilla.
I considered charging him for two flavors...since he was so specifically asking to taste both vanilla and chocolate, but I was nice and charged for one flavor...oh, did I mention this was about 10 minutes before close that this fuck ordered three milkshakes? (We scoop our own ice cream and have to make them on a trainwreck of a blender, it takes forever and no server in the world enjoys making milkshakes...even if we do get to take the extra for ourselves.)
I bring out their shakes and
MilkshakeGuy: Did you make this?
Me: Yes, I did.
MilkshakeGuy: You know what you're doing, this is perfect. Absolutely perfect. An exemplary milkshake. Thank you.
They left 15 minutes after we closed...but they made it worth my while with the $1 they left as a tip.
**NOTE TO NON-SERVERS**
VERBAL COMPLIMENTS ARE NOT A TIP!!
