Table 44

When I asked them what they wanted to drink, she replied, "Vater, vith ice. Lemon on ze side. Not. On ze rim. On. Ze. Side." Okay...
When I came back, I asked if they were ready to order and she said, "First I have question. You have turkey burger?" I replied, "No, but we do have a black-bean patty that you can substitute at no extra charge." "So, all you have iz meat?" "No, like I said, while we don't have a turkey burger, but we do have the vegetarian black-bean patty." " ' like you said' Tha'z not vat I asked. Get for me, the pork sandvich. He'll have chicken club. And two salads, a light dressing. On. The. Zide."
I bring the salads, with dressing on the side to the table and she says, "Vy, ven you are not busy does it take almost three minutes for just a salad? I'm practically starved."
When I bring out their food, she laughed. Literally, laughed. "Oh, such plate presentation. Colorado iz so quaint."

It took all of my strength not to hit that bitch. Maybe I was over-sensitive or something, but she really pissed me off.


I must have been very annoying in a past life...because I have the most annoying customers ever.

Table 41.

Two guys are eating, drinking iced tea and water...I'm kinda busy, so I'm not right there when they needed refills. I'm taking out food (Table 41 is by the window kinda) and the guys see me, with my hands full, and decide that's just the right time to YELL (though I'm about seven feet away) "EXCUSE ME, MISS?! MISS?!" *starts waving hands* "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" "GET ME MORE TEA!" I hold the food up in his direction, "In a minute, I'll be right back." I drop off the food, pick up an iced tea pitcher and go over to Table 41. Yelling Guy says, "I was waving my hands trying to get your attention for ten minutes. I even whistled." I'd heard him whistle, and ignored it because I'm a waitress, not his fucking dog. "I'm sorry sir, I must have missed it while I was helping other customers. And just for future reference, when I'm standing right there, a simple 'excuse me' will work as well as shouting to get my attention." I started to walk away and his friend stops me by saying, "Stop." I turn and ask what I can do for him. In response, he holds up his water glass. I ask again, "Is there something I can do for you sir?" And he says nothing. Instead, he shakes his empty water glass. "Would you like some more water?" I finally ask. "Yeah." I wanted to tell him "When grown-ups want something they ask for it, they don't just point."...but I controlled myself for once.


Table 21
A young couple...very Abercrombie & Fitch, very cutesy, sit down and seem so nice. Then she asks for a new soda because the one I brought her is "too cold". I get her one with less ice. Then she wants a small cup with ice, because she likes a lot of ice in her soda. Yeah. Whatever. They both do the low-carb thing (no bread, cottage cheese instead of a potato) and then when I bring their food, he asks for a side of fries. When I bring those out she asks for a new soda because hers is "all watered down from all the ice". When I bring the soda, she asks if I could put her cottage cheese in a freezer until she's done with her burger because she likes her cottage cheese, "frosty cold". The beer cooler is close by, so I actually do it. Then she asks for new lettuce because hers is "all hot and yucky"...the hot tomato is okay though.

She was seriously obsessed with temperature. It was weird.

There were two more annoying tables I was going to share, but it seems I've worn myself out, yet again.

Until next time.


Okay, we have some catching up to do...

We'll start off with The Regulars.

These people come into the restaurant about twice a week. They're very friendly, tip well and almost always have a decently funny joke to share. The Wife has a relatively complicated order, lots of no this, no that, extra this, light that going on...and on occasion, it gets messed up. Either by the server or the cooks. This week, it was my fault. When I brought the fixed item to them and apologized for my mistake, The Husband said, "I'm sure it wasn't really your fault. Those damned cooks can't speak a word of English. You should tell them the next time they mess up you'll call immigration. That'll get them to pay a little more attention." I dropped off their check right then and never went back to the table.

Next, we have Elderly Black Ladies.

The first lady asked for sweet tea. I told her, "I'm sorry, we don't have sweet tea, just regular iced tea, would you like that?" to which she replied, "Ooohhhh, child. I'm going to have to look to find something to drink." The second lady asked for sweet tea. I told her again, that we don't have sweet tea and asked if she'd like something else instead, to which she replied, "Well, if you don't have sweet tea, then I don't want anything." I offered her water and she said, "Child, what part of 'I don't want anything' did you miss?". I ignored it, and asked the third lady what she'd like to drink...yeah, she ordered Sweet Tea. I repeated myself for the third time, she ordered a root beer and the first lady ended up ordering one as well. When I came back to take their order both needed refills on their sodas because they'd given the second lady half of each of theirs so she'd have something to drink...I filled both of their sodas and told the second lady that I was going to have to charge her if she was going to have a soda. She clucked her tongue at me and rolled her eyes, "Child, do you what you got to do." Then the first lady tried to order fried chicken, I told her we don't have fried chicken. She ended up ordering lamb chops. After I was done taking the other two orders (which took nearly ten minutes in total, between telling them we don't have rolls or corn bread, I can't have the cooks take the breading off the fish and chips, we don't have asparagus, we don't serve grits after 11 am...etc) the first lady said, "Now don't tell me you don't have mint jelly to go with my lamb chops. I'll walk right out that door." "No, actually, we don't have mint jelly. Would you like me to get your coat?" All three of them laughed so hard, which was good. Everything else went fine...until after they'd left. On the table where each had been sitting was one quarter. Yes, folks, a seventy-five cent tip. Huzzah.

I did have more for you, but that last one was way longer than I expected, so I'll stop there.

Happy New Year.