Table 6

They sat down at 4:15 p.m. They ordered a beer each and said they were going to wait to order food.

They ordered their next beers at 5:30. And had yet to even open their menus.

At 6:15 they ordered chips and salsa.

At 6:50 they ordered one more beer.

7:15. I get cut from the floor (that means I get to finish my sidework and go home, for those non-waitstaff folks) and they order food.

7:20 They get their food.

7:22. They ask for to-go boxes.

7:50 They complain to the cashier that the last beer wasn't half-price like the happy hour beers. They complain that they had to pay for chips and salsa. The guy even complained that the booth made his back hurt.

They took the table for 3 hours, spent hardly any money ($21) and then complained about pretty much everything. To put the icing on the cake they tipped $2. Which, granted is almost 10%...but still that booth could've sat five or six table in the time they spent there.

It was all just very irritating.


Table 7.

It's Halloween, so we all wore costumes to work. I was a pirate...which drove me to be very silly and say things like, "How arrrgh you doin'?" and the like. Most people giggled politley, a few even shared pirate jokes. (How much do pirates spend on earrings? A buck-an-ear. There's really no such thing as a good pirate joke.) But not Table 7.

I walk up, do my pirate schtick (the aforementioned, how argh you doin' matey thing), and not one person in the party of four smiles. One guy breaks the awkward silence with, "Coffee". I ask if anyone else would like anything else to drink, and the old woman in the back says, "If you're done playing around, I think we'd like to order." "Okay, I can take your drink orders at the same time." They order and the woman (who shall now be referred to as Rude Lady) ask for "a cup of decaf, hot, not cold like it usually is, with my meal".

I'm waiting for their food, and since we are dreadfully slow I'm just standing around talking to our few other customers. And Rude Lady starts waving her napkin. I walk over and ask if they need anything. She replies, "Have you forgotten my decaf?" I tell her I'm sorry, it seems I'd misunderstood, I thought she wanted it *with* her meal. To which she says, "Well, that's what I'd hoped but since our food is taking so long, I'd rather not wait."

I'd like to point out that it hadn't been even 7 minutes and every one of them had "very well-done" hamburgers.

I get her coffee and a minute later their food comes up. When I take it out everyone is pleased, but in need of mustard. I bring it back and Rude Lady is once again unhappy. "The tomato made my bun soggy. Just how long did you leave this sitting in the window?" "I'm sorry, our tomatoes are fresh and have a tendency to be juicy. I'll be more than happy to get you a new bun." She just sits there, holding her bun, staring at me. Then she asks, "Well, are you going to answer my question? How Long Did You Leave My Food Sitting Under Those Heat Lamps?" "Ma'am, I brought your food as soon as it was up, I doubt it was under any heat lamp for more than 30 seconds." She puts the burger on a side plate and tells me. "This time I want my bun crispy and my tomato on the side." I take the burger, give it to the cooks and go back to Table 7 to refill coffees. Everyone else says they're happy and the food is great. Rude Lady hands me her fries and says, "These are cold now. I need new ones. And don't just put these in the microwave I want Fresh Fries." I just take the plate and walk away, I'm done talking to her.

I bring her her brand new burger, bun and fries. With all the garnish on the side and she's happy. Entirely. She smiles and says thank you.

Before they leave I walk over and offer dessert and drop off the check. Rude Lady smiles and says, "You were off to a rocky start. Thank you for making things right. ... I almost had to make you walk the plank!!"

Everyone at Table 7 laughed. I giggled politely and walked away.

I think Tom Cruise is wrong...MORE people need medication.


Table 21

Two grubby, young kids and an old lady. Yeah, off to a beautiful start. The kids want coffee and water, the old lady wants wine. I asked what kind and she said, "The strong one". The grand-daughter says, "Just a white zinfandel, will be fine." The old lady was adorable...youngins' not so much. (Oh, and by kids, I mean early twenties. Not like, literally, children.)

The Order:
Boy: Can I get some chips and salsa and a combo burrito, extra green chili?"
Me: Sure, do you want the chips and salsa before the meal?
Boy: No, with the burrito.
Girl: I'll have the Macho Nachos.
Me: Beef or Chicken?
Girl: I said the Macho Nachos, not beef or chicken nachos.
Me: Okay, well, the Nachos come in either beef or chicken but if you'd rather I can do them with beans.
Girl: Well if it comes with it, then just give it to me.
Me: Okay, which would you like beef or chicken?
Girl: I thought you said they came with it?
Me: Yes, the Nachos come with EITHER beef OR chicken.
Girl: *rolls eyes* Beef, then.
Me: Good deal. And for you ma'am?
Old Lady: I'll have...
Girl: She's not hungry. *takes menu away from Old Lady*
Me: Okay...I should have that right out to you guys.

Their food comes up and I take it out. I put the chips and salsa down and the guy says, "Where's my guac?" I finish putting the food down and tell the guy that I hadn't heard him say guac, but I'll be right back with it and ask if anyone else needs anything. The Old Lady asks for another glass of wine. I make my way back to the kitchen to get some guac and the girl comes up and says, "Just bring her juice in a wine glass."

They eat and when they're done, most of the chips, salsa and guac are still left, as is the Old Lady's "wine". The Boy says, "Since you didn't bring out the chips and salsa as an appetizer we didn't get a chance to eat them...I want them taken off the bill, since you didn't bring them in time." That irritates me because he didn't order them as an appetizer, he asked for them with the burrito...Anyway, I ask my manager and he says just take it off. So, I do.

When they get to the register, the Old Lady tells the manager, "She didn't bring me wine, just juice in a wine glass." And he takes the wine off, too. I pointed out to him after they left I'd charged for a juice and explained what had happened. He thought it was all very funny.