ma vie sur le patio
Table 73
A couple in their late 40's decided to have their lunch on the patio. I was their server. And This Is Their Story. We'll call them Jack and Diane since I didn't have a chance to catch their real names. They sat down and ordered their drinks and food without incident. While not overly friendly, they were pleasant enough.
Then Jack lit a cigarette. I informed him that we don't allow smoking on the patio and asked him if he'd please put it out. He asked, "Why can't I smoke out here? The smoke's not getting inside." I explained that our patio is too close to the front door and that makes it illegal to allow smoking on the patio. He took another drag of his cigarette and said, "Well, that's bullshit." I told him that, yes, it is kind of a bullshit law, but it IS THE LAW and if he continued to smoke on the patio I would have to talk to a manager and the manager would have to take action. I also told him he was welcome to hop the fence and smoke on the other side, where he'd still be able to talk to Diane. He glared at me and put his cigarette out, grinding it into the cement.
I brought their food and checked on them. They ate every last bite of everything. After I left their check on Table 74 I went to another table to take their order. Jack got up quickly leaving the check on the table. I was worried he was still angry and was going to dine-and-dash* but as I was taking an order I couldn't follow right away. When I got back into the restaurant, they were standing at the register talking with the manager. I walked up in time to hear Jack tell the manager that his food had been so horrible he couldn't eat it and his server (me) had never come back to check on him. I tried to talk to the manager at this point, but the manager decided to ignore me and instead just give Jack his meal for free and a discount on Diane's meal. And of course, like all people who get a free meal, they didn't tip.
After they'd left I told the manager that that had been the "smoking guy" and he'd eaten all of his food, as well as told me it was good when I had checked on them. The managers only response, "Oh well. Guess he pulled the wool over my eyes."
Table 71
Let me preface this story by telling you EXACTLY what we tell every table that asks to be sat on the patio. "You're more than welcome to sit on the patio...BUT. There are sometimes bees out there. Would you still like to sit on the patio?" It's much easier than every other table having to come back inside because a bee flew by their table.
After I greet the two young women at Table 71, and before I even have a chance to get their drink order, one of them asks me, "So, are you guys just trying to make sure no one sits out here? Because the girl up front told us there were bees and I don't see any bees." (It's very hard to convey the amount of attitude in this question over the internet..if you'd like to call me, I can say it like she did for ya...and you can feel the snarkiness for yourself) We'd just changed the traps or I'd have pointed out the 5,000 dead bees hanging in green canisters all around. Instead, I explained that we do have a bee problem, it's not horrible, but some people have a phobia or are allergic and it's easier to tell them about it first. They had a few margaritas and everything was fine.
As I was walking back inside (from taking Jack and Diane's order :-P) the girl who hadn't asked the question about the bees stopped me. "Um, miss. I just wanted to let you know, she (points at her friend) just got stung by a bee." I asked if they needed anything and the stung girl said she'd be fine...and they were. Normally, we don't give people free stuff if they're stung by a bee (as we have no control over the bees, and people are nearly always warned first) but I gave them a free margarita each.
Now, these girls were actually very nice about it all. Great customers, aside from the opening bit of snarkiness...but I just had to share this because I found it so beautifully ironic that a girl that thought we were trying to scare people from sitting outside with imaginary bees was then stung by a bee.
*dine-and-dash (a.k.a. chew and screw) - ducking out of a restaurant before paying for your meal
Tuesday
Thursday
Today I walked up to Table 2 and asked the woman sitting there if she was ready to order or needed a few more minutes. She said, while looking at our Mexican food page, "I could be ready if I could find your burritos on here." I pointed out the section in the middle of the page that has a heading in a 42 point font which reads "BURRITOS & A WRAP". Then she looked up at me, like I was stupid and said, "Honey, I just a want a burrito, I don't need a burrito and a wrap." I explained that it said "& A WRAP" because we have seven burritos and A wrap...
The other day I asked a table, "Do you guys need any Tabasco or Cholula?" to which the brains of the operation replied, "No...but do you think we can get some of that red hot sauce?"
I get this one All The Time. "Can I get you folks something to drink? Water, coffee, iced tea?" "No, we don't need anything to drink. Just water." Water IS a drink people!!
"Can I have cold iced tea?" I still don't know which other restaurants serve hot iced tea...but people seem to like that ours is cold.
On our menu we have a Bowl of Oatmeal, Cream of Wheat or Grits listed. Right beneath the listing it reads, Served Mon-Fri 6 am to 11 am; Sat & Sun 6 am to 1 pm. At least twice a week, someone asks for oatmeal after 5 pm...more often than not pointing to item on the menu and then is shocked when I tell them we don't serve it after 11 am during the week.
Think that's enough for now? No? Okay, one more.
A while back a young man was sitting alone at Table 3 and ordered a red chili burger. I asked how he wanted it cooked and if he wanted fries with his burger. He told me well done and yes, he'd like fries.
When I brought his burger he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong order. I ordered a chili burger."
"Yes, sir. This is our burger with chili on it, which we generally call the chili burger."
"No, in your menu it says that it's a bowl of chili with a burger, cheese and onions."
(What it actually says is "Smothered in red chili with American and diced onions. Served with a side of red chili, too." I'd also like to point out it's listed in the middle of the BURGER section of the menu...with all the other BURGERS.)
I ended up taking it back to the cooks and asking them to just put the patty in a bowl of chili and he was happy.
Still, it was one of the oddest misunderstandings I've ever had to deal with.
The other day I asked a table, "Do you guys need any Tabasco or Cholula?" to which the brains of the operation replied, "No...but do you think we can get some of that red hot sauce?"
I get this one All The Time. "Can I get you folks something to drink? Water, coffee, iced tea?" "No, we don't need anything to drink. Just water." Water IS a drink people!!
"Can I have cold iced tea?" I still don't know which other restaurants serve hot iced tea...but people seem to like that ours is cold.
On our menu we have a Bowl of Oatmeal, Cream of Wheat or Grits listed. Right beneath the listing it reads, Served Mon-Fri 6 am to 11 am; Sat & Sun 6 am to 1 pm. At least twice a week, someone asks for oatmeal after 5 pm...more often than not pointing to item on the menu and then is shocked when I tell them we don't serve it after 11 am during the week.
Think that's enough for now? No? Okay, one more.
A while back a young man was sitting alone at Table 3 and ordered a red chili burger. I asked how he wanted it cooked and if he wanted fries with his burger. He told me well done and yes, he'd like fries.
When I brought his burger he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong order. I ordered a chili burger."
"Yes, sir. This is our burger with chili on it, which we generally call the chili burger."
"No, in your menu it says that it's a bowl of chili with a burger, cheese and onions."
(What it actually says is "Smothered in red chili with American and diced onions. Served with a side of red chili, too." I'd also like to point out it's listed in the middle of the BURGER section of the menu...with all the other BURGERS.)
I ended up taking it back to the cooks and asking them to just put the patty in a bowl of chili and he was happy.
Still, it was one of the oddest misunderstandings I've ever had to deal with.
Table 64
Sunday mornings are always fun at the restaurant. Servers are running their asses off, cooks are slinging food into the window as fast as they can, hosts are seating tables faster than the bussers can clean them, we have a 45 minute wait...and customers wonder why it's taking more than four minutes for their well done steaks to come up. It's awesome...but this table wasn't quite one of "those tables".
I went to Table 64 to say hello and get their drink order. The Mom orders a screwdriver, Grandma gets a coffee, and the little girls order chocolate milk. I asked The Dad what he wanted and he said, "I need you to make me a Bloody Mary, but not with that crap mix you use. That stuff's disgusting. I need you to make it from scratch." "Okay sir, I can have our bartender make you one without the mix. Do you like it spicy?" "Yeah, I like it just the way you guys make the mix but you can't use the mix." "...Okay. I'll be right back." "Miss, I just want to make sure you heard me. Don't use the mix." "Yes. Sir. I did hear you and I'll have someone make that for you right away." So, I get another server to make it (since my manager who is supposed to be helping bartend is watching college football and too busy with that to help me) and I told her to make it like we do the mix, but don't use the mix. She looked at me like I was crazy...then with sympathy realizing I just had a crazy table.
I bring out the drinks, he *looks* at his Bloody Mary and says, "You used the mix didn't you?" "No sir, I didn't. I had our bartender make it for you from scratch. Would you like to go ahead and taste it and then you can tell me if you need something added to it?" He sips and says, "It tastes like you used the mix." "Sir, I assure you, we did not use the mix. Because you asked for it just like we make the mix, I can see how it would taste similar, but it was made from scratch. Did you want me to have them make you another one?" He didn't look at me or make eye contact. His wife said, "It'll be okay. If it's not we'll just go get another from the bar." I took their order for food and walked away.
I came back once before their food was ready to get them refills. The little girls both needed more milk. I explained that the milk didn't have free refills but I'd get them more if it was okay with The Mom and The Dad. The Mom said that was fine.
I brought out their food and everything but the syrup for one of the little girls pancakes. After I put down the food I asked, "Does anyone need anything else? Tabasco, Cholula...I'll get syrup for the pancakes, but anything else right now? *pause* Okay, I'll be..." "Excuse me." "Yes, sir?" "Did you just interrupt me?" "I'm sorry?" "I was going to ask you something and you started talking right over me." "I hadn't realized I was talking over you, I'm sorry. What can I get for you?" "Do you know that I know the owners of this restaurant?" "Um. No, I didn't know that. Is there something else you need right now?" The Mom interrupts, "Will you please stop being so rude and interrupting every single time my husband tries to say something? We're trying to have a nice family breakfast and you're being nothing but rude at every turn!" I didn't even respond. Then The Dad said, "I don't see how the owners let such a snobby bitch like you wait tables on a Sunday morning when families are trying to have breakfast. I'm going to tell the owners about your rude service." I turned and walked away.
Before they left, I made a copy of their receipt, circled my name, wrote down the owners schedule at our restaurant and the number to our downtown restaurant and told him to make sure to tell the owner about our crappy Bloody Mary mix too.
They were walking past me to leave while I was putting in an order and I heard The Mom say, "On top of everything that little bitch charged us for the girls drinks when they're supposed to come with the meal."
They didn't leave me a tip, but the GM said that she talked to the owner while they were finishing breakfast and it was agreed that for calling me a bitch, The Dad would be 86'd from both restaurants. The Owner said he'll tell him when he calls to complain. The Dad hadn't realized that I know the owners, too.
Sunday mornings are always fun at the restaurant. Servers are running their asses off, cooks are slinging food into the window as fast as they can, hosts are seating tables faster than the bussers can clean them, we have a 45 minute wait...and customers wonder why it's taking more than four minutes for their well done steaks to come up. It's awesome...but this table wasn't quite one of "those tables".
I went to Table 64 to say hello and get their drink order. The Mom orders a screwdriver, Grandma gets a coffee, and the little girls order chocolate milk. I asked The Dad what he wanted and he said, "I need you to make me a Bloody Mary, but not with that crap mix you use. That stuff's disgusting. I need you to make it from scratch." "Okay sir, I can have our bartender make you one without the mix. Do you like it spicy?" "Yeah, I like it just the way you guys make the mix but you can't use the mix." "...Okay. I'll be right back." "Miss, I just want to make sure you heard me. Don't use the mix." "Yes. Sir. I did hear you and I'll have someone make that for you right away." So, I get another server to make it (since my manager who is supposed to be helping bartend is watching college football and too busy with that to help me) and I told her to make it like we do the mix, but don't use the mix. She looked at me like I was crazy...then with sympathy realizing I just had a crazy table.
I bring out the drinks, he *looks* at his Bloody Mary and says, "You used the mix didn't you?" "No sir, I didn't. I had our bartender make it for you from scratch. Would you like to go ahead and taste it and then you can tell me if you need something added to it?" He sips and says, "It tastes like you used the mix." "Sir, I assure you, we did not use the mix. Because you asked for it just like we make the mix, I can see how it would taste similar, but it was made from scratch. Did you want me to have them make you another one?" He didn't look at me or make eye contact. His wife said, "It'll be okay. If it's not we'll just go get another from the bar." I took their order for food and walked away.
I came back once before their food was ready to get them refills. The little girls both needed more milk. I explained that the milk didn't have free refills but I'd get them more if it was okay with The Mom and The Dad. The Mom said that was fine.
I brought out their food and everything but the syrup for one of the little girls pancakes. After I put down the food I asked, "Does anyone need anything else? Tabasco, Cholula...I'll get syrup for the pancakes, but anything else right now? *pause* Okay, I'll be..." "Excuse me." "Yes, sir?" "Did you just interrupt me?" "I'm sorry?" "I was going to ask you something and you started talking right over me." "I hadn't realized I was talking over you, I'm sorry. What can I get for you?" "Do you know that I know the owners of this restaurant?" "Um. No, I didn't know that. Is there something else you need right now?" The Mom interrupts, "Will you please stop being so rude and interrupting every single time my husband tries to say something? We're trying to have a nice family breakfast and you're being nothing but rude at every turn!" I didn't even respond. Then The Dad said, "I don't see how the owners let such a snobby bitch like you wait tables on a Sunday morning when families are trying to have breakfast. I'm going to tell the owners about your rude service." I turned and walked away.
Before they left, I made a copy of their receipt, circled my name, wrote down the owners schedule at our restaurant and the number to our downtown restaurant and told him to make sure to tell the owner about our crappy Bloody Mary mix too.
They were walking past me to leave while I was putting in an order and I heard The Mom say, "On top of everything that little bitch charged us for the girls drinks when they're supposed to come with the meal."
They didn't leave me a tip, but the GM said that she talked to the owner while they were finishing breakfast and it was agreed that for calling me a bitch, The Dad would be 86'd from both restaurants. The Owner said he'll tell him when he calls to complain. The Dad hadn't realized that I know the owners, too.
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