I walked up to the table and did the usual, "Good afternoon, folks. How are you doing today?"
Him to Me: "We're hungry. Can't find anywhere to eat."
"Well, sir. Looks like you finally found the right spot. We've got a little bit of everything on the menu and big enough portions to fill up just about anyone. Can I answer any questions about our menu for you or would you like to look it over while I get you some drinks? A coke or a margarita?"
Her to Me: "Do you serve half-portions?"
"No, ma'am, I'm sorry, we do not. But we have big to-go boxes if you can't finish it all. It's like two meals for the price of one."
Him To Her: "Well do you just want to go then? They don't have half-portions."
Her To Him: "Do they have anything you like on the menu?"
Him To Her: "Yeah, I see what I want. But they don't have half-orders. Let's just go."
Her To Him: "If you found something you can order it. I will keep looking."
Him To Her: "I'm not going to order before you and look like an asshole."
Me to Them: "If you need a few minutes I can come back. I have a water for you here if you'd like to start with that..."
Him to Me: "This is the third restaurant we've been to tonight. The first place smelled like shit and fuck all if I'm going to eat in a restaurant that smells like they cook their food in diarrhea. Then we went to this place that had their music so loud you couldn't hear a damn thing and the booth was so dark I couldn't see my own hand in front of me. Probably making sure you can't see all the damn cockroaches."
Her to Him: "Lets just order. I can take it home. It's okay."
Him to Me: "We'll take two Negro Modelos first off."
Me: "I'm sorry sir, we don't have that. We have Corona, Tecate and Pacifico for Mexican beers."
Him to Me: "Dos Equis Amber then."
Me: "Sir, I can go through our full list but if you want a Mexican beer, we only have Corona, Pacifico or Tecate."
Him: *slams menu on the table* "This is bullshit. BULL-SHIT. We are leaving."
Her: "I don't mind the Tecate."
Him: "I do. I do mind. We are leaving!"
Her: "They have rellenos."
Him: "It's bullshit! We are NOT staying here. We are leaving RIGHT NOW." *gets up and stomps, like a spoiled three year old, out*
She followed him out like a beaten dog, her head down, small quick steps and her purse dragging along the ground.
Table 4 was in hysterics and for the rest of their meal, everytime I went to their table they asked, "You didn't cook this in diarrhea did you?"