Over a month since the last update?! My bad.

Table 21

A party of six LARP players (including two elves, ears and all!) came in and took nearly five minutes to sit down (they had to figure out how the two enemy parties would be able to share a table, seriously I overheard them discussing it). When I asked about drinks, most ordered normally, but the fifth guy asked, "Have ye mead, wench?" I replied, "Sir, I understand if you're in a game, but don't call me wench. We do have beer if that's what you're referring to." "I'll just have a coke." They ordered and ate nearly without incident, though at one point the mead guy stood up and took out his "sword" (painted cardboard) and knelt beside a chubby elf and offered it to her. She declined and he took his seat. Their bill came out to $95 and I learned that though they ordered modern beverages and ate mexican food, tipping isn't allowed in their game. Yep, not even a shiny florin. Bastards.

Table 6 (most annoying table in a LONG time)

Two older black ladies sat down just as we were starting to get a little busy.
Me: "Good evening ladies, could I get you started with some drinks?"
Lady A: "Honey, we just sat ourselves down."
Lady B: "I know I want a decaf coffee."
Lady A: "You don't know what you're eating. How do you know you want a coffee?"
Lady B: "I don't need to know. Coffee goes with anything."
Lady A: "Oh, hell no it don't."
Me: "Okay, I'll get your coffee and just grab a water for you, until you decide what you'd like to eat."
Lady B: "Not coffee, decaf."
Lady A: "Oooh, girl don't try rushin me, bringing me water won't make me decide any faster."
Lady B: "DECAF."
Me: "Yes, decaf. Got it. Be right back."

I get table 7's drink order, and come back to Table 6 with the decaf and drinks for table 7 (which is my next stop)
Lady A: "We didn't order all this!"
Lady B: "This don't taste like decaf."
Me: "I assure you it's decaf, and these are for another table."
Lady A: "I thought you said you was bringing us water?"
Me: "I thought you'd said you didn't want any water, I'm sorry. I'll bring you some just after I drop these off."
Lady A: Can't you get it now? Or are they more important than we are?"
Me: "Ma'am. It's not a matter or more important, it'd just be more conveinent. It will only take a minute. I will be right back"
Lady B: "And I need some decaf coffee. This ain't decaf."

I drop off table 7's drinks and get their order. I go to the computer, put in their order, grab the pot of decaf, a clean cup, a carafe of water and make my way back to Table 6.

I pour the decaf in the new cup for Lady B. She takes a drink and says, "This tastes just like that first cup."
"Yes, ma'am, that's because the first cup was decaf. Are you ladies ready to order?" (Table 8 and Table 22 get sat)
Lady A: "Do you use real eggs?"
Me. "Yes, unless you specifically ask for egg beaters we use real eggs."
Lady A: "How 'bout your bacon?"
Me: "Absolutely real bacon." (I've never heard of artificial bacon)
Lady A: "Hmm...I don't want breakfast."
Me: "If you're not ready, I can come back in just a minute."
Lady B: "No, it's not that we're not ready, your menu is just too big."
Me: "Okay, what can I get for you?"
Lady A: "Is your green chili hot?"
Me: "I don't think it's hot, but it's definitely spicy. Want me to go grab you a sample?"
Lady B: "No, that's okay. Are these hot dogs all beef?"
Me: "Yes"
Lady B: "Oh, I don't like that. You have so much but you don't have a monte cristo?"
Me: "No, we don't. Ladies, I'm sorry, I'll be back to answer more questions in a minute, but I was just paged that I have food up. I really do have to go. I'll be right back."

(The above took nearly ten minutes...there were many, many more questions they'd asked)
I took out table 7's food, got drink orders, drinks and food orders for tables 8 and 22 then went back to Table6.

Me: "Sorry about the wait ladies. Did that give you enough time to decide on dinner?"
Five more minutes of questions...Table 21 gets sat.
Finally, just as I was going to make up any excuse to get away, they order.
Lady A gets Chicken Fried Steak, salad with Ranch, A loaded Baked Potato and lady B gets a slice of chocolate cake.

I put in their order, take food out to tables 8 and 22, drop off 7's check, drop off Table 6's salad, take 21's order, check on 8 & 22, table 7 gets sat again, I get their drinks and then I have to go back to Table 6.

Lady A: "How come you just bringing out our food when these people *points to table 22* got here after us and they already been eating for 5 minutes?"
Me: "They were ready to order sooner. Do you need anything to go with this right now?"
Lady B: "I need a menu, I think I'm going to have dinner after all."

Okay, I just really how much I've written but I think you get the point. It takes Lady B another 20 minutes to order. As soon as she does order, Lady A decideds she wants dessert, then their crazy Jamaican friend joins them, takes 20 minutes to order. Then they decide to get three dinners to go. All in all, they were there for just over two hours, they asked probably 150 questions, ordered six dinners, three desserts, two beverages, used seven silverware set-ups (that was mostly on the Jamaican guy) and tipped me $1.25.


Dave said...

In the olden days (the "Yore" period, I believe), tipping was done by the watiress. She would "tip" over the chair of the diner with him in it, then ram the "tip" of her boot into his ass. You should have reminded the LARPers of this old and cherished tradition. And then used the cardboard swoard to hack at the women at the other table until they learned how to behave in a restaurant.

nn said...

"Mead" is actually wine made from honey instead of grapes.
I don't know how you can do that job. You deserve a medal (or at least a guy who hides bombs in the stairwell).